Indiana Jones: It belongs in a museum!
Me: *running away* Leave my sexy booty alone
there are some wounds only potatoes can heal
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me [after hitting a long shot]: FORE
her: are you serious this is mini golf
me [apologetically]: ????
To the woman a booth over who said “There’s nothing worse than cold toast!”
I want your life.
Anakin: Want to go out?
Padmé: Ew. You’re 9.
Padmé: Talk to me in a decade when the age gap between us is exactly the same.
Hate it when a grand piano falls on me and my head pops out of the wreckage and the keys are my teeth. The experience is simply not for me.
doctor: here’s your x-ray
me: ew I look ugly in this one delete it take another
If you fear that a giraffe has killed your wife and stolen her identity, these are the signs to look out for:
Naw, I don’t have jaundice. Just accidentally grabbed the wrong color foundation again.
Boss: We’re having a meeting at noon for future managers
Me: Will there be lunch?
Me: I don’t want to be a manager that bad
[knocking on the castle door during a battle] My boss said you guys have to give all our arrows back now