There are two types of people in the world, those who sweat when eating spicy food and those whose nose drips when eating spicy food.

You Might Also Like


“Aboot a half kilometer up the road.”
“Thank you.”
“Just past the Tim’s on your left.”
“Much appreciated.”
“My pleasure, eh.”


Tonight’s special:
Hummus-fed pigeon leg, rolled in coffee grinds, served on a bed of fresh lawn clippings

– Fancy restaurants


I’m gonna start following my cat to the litter box and sit in her lap while she takes a shit


Whenever I see a white van in the Taco Bell drive-thru, I instantly get jealous of the kidnapees in the back.


*Lowers thermostat*
*Dad puts it back*
*Lowers thermostat again*
*Dad puts it back again*

The real Cold War


[describing criminal to sketch artist] He had the damp chest of a man with an excessive lisp. He was eating a newspaper.


me: *goes outside during the day* why is the moon is so spicy