@envydatropic: There are two versions of every story and the drunk one is usually the better one
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@dshack8: Taught a parrot to repeatedly say "WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool.
@fro_vo: "Hey Cyclops are you still dating Jean?" "No Storm, we broke up. You could say she's my..." *lowers sunglasses* *eye beams obliterate Storm*
@TheScamJoanne: *two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*