Be careful out there guys. just met a girl, Kylie, and she told me her and her friends are so random…that could mean anything be safe ok
There is a disturbing amount of product placement in my dreams.
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it’s always the wrong ex who gets drunk and messages you a million times about how much he loves you.
I feel sorry for kids today but mostly because their cartoons are terrible.
*Throws up some gang signs*
*stabs self in eye with salad fork*
Hubs: Next time you do the Macarena, put your fork down.
Do you prefer to deal with things in person or over the phone?
ME: I’m heading to the shop
ROOMMATE: What are you going to get?
ME: [wearing a wedding dress] Compliments
I accidentally walked into the women’s room at the gym today, then I bought a tampon from the machine so it wouldn’t be awkward.
*texts you back 2 years later…
Lol not much how about you
Interviewer: Why do you want this job?
Me: I’ve always been passionate about being able to afford food
Neighbour:How’s the wife?
Me:No, she’s on fire, just going for more wood