@iGreenMonk

There is a new app. that tells you how smarter your dog is.

Here’s how it works :-

If you bought the app. your dog is smarter than you.

You Might Also Like

@Gentlemenhood

Did you know when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown but only 4 to extend your arm and punch them in the face.

@Darlainky

Friend: Oh my God, I just can’t explain how he makes me feel. He just has this way with me. It’s just so…magical.
Me: You’re literally paying him for that and technically hypnosis is not magic.

@s_rumer18

at Dick’s, it is a habit of mine to ask customers if they want their items in a bag after they check out.
today, a woman came up to the register with 2 kayaks to buy.
after ringing them up, i looked her dead in the eye and said “would you like these in a bag?”

@UnFitz

If I see a dog in a hot car, I’m always troubled.
Why don’t I have a hot car like that?
How much does that dog make per year?

@mattgallo123

<job interview>
It says here on your resume that you are a “self-proclaimed man of few words.” Would you like to elaborate on that?

Me: no

@fro_vo

[job interview]
interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years?
me: that’s a trick question there is no c in any of those words

@blaudiablogan

Guy asked me where I got my green eyes. Great! Now I have to explain what the Vikings did when they got to Sicily.

@HenpeckedHal

Wife: “Sorry, but my OBGYN said no sex for six weeks after childbirth.”
Me: “Oh, ok. What about…”
Wife: “My dentist said six weeks too.”