@candidartichoke
@GrowlyGrego
It’s like my racist grandpa used to say: “Good morning.”
That unrepentant bigot had many flaws, but cordial salutations wasn’t one of them.
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@GrowlyGrego
@tarashoe
birds can make their homes in tall treetops and soar at great heights and pigeons are like no thank you i will commute by foot to home depot
@djdarrellripley
I was so devastated by my divorce that I barely finished the eleventh grade…
@HellRaisingHell
Finally found a job ad that didn’t mention ‘attention to detail’ or ‘team player’. Finally!
@LuckoftheDraw86
I’m gonna date the first guy to come out of this “Free STD Screenings!” van.
#goodplan
@3sunzzz
“Quark, quark,” said the quantum duck.
@mxmclain
The glory of fall.
@CauseWereGuys
Lord please give me patience, because if you give me strength I may just beat someone to death.
@Knittykins
*Orders something on Amazon because I need a box*
@SatansTongue
The average person has sex 89 times a year.
This is gonna be one hell of a week.