@candidartichoke: There is no cool way to zip up your pants during a meeting.
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@mikeleffingwell: STOP TELLING ME YOUR NEWBORN'S WEIGHT AND LENGTH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH THAT INFORMATION.
@com3t0think0fit: Neighbor: I don’t drink coffee it makes your teeth all yellow. Me: Throws holy water in her face. *Neighbor melts Me: Not today Satan.
@mandysparklerxo: I just noticed the light fixture in the bathroom is off center, so no, I won't be renewing my lease.