There is no life on earth without water.nBecause without water, there is no coffee.nAnd without coffee, I’ll kill you all.

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10 Easy Steps to Learn Binary:
1) There are 1’s and 0’s
10) There are no 2’s


I’m not one to bet, but I’d put $50 on the fact that the waffle was probably created when someone accidentally stepped on a pancake.


When I get a little tipsy I like to go to a random neighbourhood, knock on the door and say, “Sarah Connor?”.


I keep having to remind myself that an “oral history” is not nearly as exciting as it sounds.


Dad: This note from your calligraphy teacher is very concerning… and stunningly beautiful


Some people around here retweet like it’s coming out of their booze allowance.


My computer is frozen. Unfortunately it looks like moving my mouse around in circles did absolutely nothing to fix the problem.


*Holds centipede up to your cheek as you’re sleeping and whispers*

Hey baby, the restraining order said a hundred feet…


Women do not want to hear what you think..nnThey want to hear what they think..nnIn a deeper voice……


*walks in
*wife is murdered
*looks at mirror
(Written in blood)

“My next what?

*from the closet
“Oh sorry typo I meant you’re.