Can you say your strengths?
No like what are they
“My legs maybe”
No, like for work
“Oh lol sorry, idk prob communication”
There is no life on earth without water.nBecause without water, there is no coffee.nAnd without coffee, I’ll kill you all.
You Might Also Like
ME: *doing deadlifts* more weight
PALLBEARER: *reluctantly adds another body*
You two just need to get out more.
– Me, giving Abe Lincoln relationship advice
I am at my most sexiest when I have to wash my hair twice in one day because I got ranch dressing in my hair from eating wings for dinner. Line forms to the left, gentlemen.
-So how can we help you today Mr Benson?
“Please. Mr Benson was my father.”
-Alright. So how can we help you today Mr Bensonson?
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone might accidentally clean them?
The human body is incredible. Right now, if I so desired, I could do 15 percent of a backflip and wreck my shit right here on the sidewalk.
*walks into alma mater carrying English degree*
I’d like a refund, please. This did not work as promised.
Imagine if America cut open the Statue of Liberty and found skeletons inside and it turned out the French had just failed a trojan mission.
This woman got so offended when I asked if I could pet her son, like I’m the one who put him on a leash.