@pittdave13

There once was a man on zoom
Whose stomach had started to fume
He really had to toot
Forgot to hit mute
A problem when your living room is also the conference room

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@Chonfucius

Eh wah eh wah eh wah eh wah joget joget joget joget joget gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek gelek lembek lembek lembek embek lembek lembek

@DawnLovesZombie

Just tell me which one is wrong, the password or the username!! Don’t make me have to guess.

@mollandra

my parents’ wedding videographer intercut a clip from kermit and miss piggy’s wedding into their service?? without asking???

@ninjadinosaur1

Maybe pandas can eat more foods than bamboo but no one has ever offered them a Twizzler.

@

a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:8:”kelkulus”;s:5:”image”;s:90:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3278807262/1fcf70b5a66e936d490699028532762d_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”349217384227287041″;s:7:”retweet”;s:3:”159″;s:5:”tweet”;s:88:”I’ve discovered I can turn invisible, but it’s involuntary and only works on bartenders.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

@LackOfShame

I never feel like a bigger failure than when my dog re-scratches something I just scratched for her.

@somecleverthing

Irrational fear 807: being spoken to by a comedian during their performance. I would die a thousand proverbial deaths and a single real one.

@Sirrruh

So he says, “Argh! Give me yer booties!” & he steals all the baby booties.

There’s an audience for Baby Blackbeard & I’LL FIND IT.