@Marcmywords2: There's 2 types of people in this world, the people that use birth control and the people that step on Legos at 3am.
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@simoncholland: The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
@QwertyJones3: FRIEND: Thanks for letting me stay here while I'm in town ME: No problem FRIEND: Do u have a Waffle House nearby? ME: No they're all wood
@MiddleageM: My husband fell asleep while watching Memento...was shocked to find "remember to NOT trust your wife" written on his forehead with a Sharpie