@Marcmywords2: There's 2 types of people in this world, the people that use birth control and the people that step on Legos at 3am.
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@tarashoe: i slap your apartment floor and ask you what year it was made. you don’t understand so i do exactly the same thing again
@OtherDanOBrien: [police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass.
@kellysdf: Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed.