We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters
@kimtopher22: There's a fire burning in my heart, no wait, it's acid reflux, carry on.
@thecrabbyhook: Brother: Do you want to come over to see the new baby?
Me: Does it have wifi?
@GirrlGenius: If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
@librarianfonz: It's especially on Fridays at 5 pm when I wish I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
@HiddenPinky: "Nice one."
- me to my son, who is just learning to write numbers
@Neuronicism: If she doesn't have a new hair style by the time you're done, you're doing it wrong.