There’s a Gulf between peoples’ appreciation of cartoons. Dubai doesn’t like the Flintstones, but Abu Dhabi do.

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Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.


“Forever” is just a romantic word for “until we get bored or one of us dies”


Christmas movie tip. If you watch Die Hard straight after Love Actually, Alan Rickman will be punished for what he did to Emma Thompson.


Drunk – When you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.


“Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs.”

“Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?”

“That’s cool.”


Dude that’s not a tire swing its a warning to other tires that trespass in my yard


Why do people say “get well soon”?

Why don’t you want me to get well now?


When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger & write “WASH ME” on her face.


Marriage is sweet, but when you marry the wrong person, it’s like COVID-19 you will be recording new cases everyday🤧