@JayFinW

There’s a Gulf between peoples’ appreciation of cartoons. Dubai doesn’t like the Flintstones, but Abu Dhabi do.

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@living_marble

Telling a woman to get back in the kitchen is a weird insult to lob on Twitter. We can still tweet from kitchens. We have wifi & data plans.

@dumbbeezie

“Forever” is just a romantic word for “until we get bored or one of us dies”

@AngelaBishop

Christmas movie tip. If you watch Die Hard straight after Love Actually, Alan Rickman will be punished for what he did to Emma Thompson.

@TheUrbanSlangs

Drunk – When you have to hold on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.

@my_minivan_life

“Owen, you must hide this baby from Anakin Skywalker at all costs.”

“Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?”

“That’s cool.”

@lemonmartinis

Dude that’s not a tire swing its a warning to other tires that trespass in my yard

@chrisdowning

Why do people say “get well soon”?

Why don’t you want me to get well now?

@AbbeYaar

When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger & write “WASH ME” on her face.

@Ohloowatoscene

Marriage is sweet, but when you marry the wrong person, it’s like COVID-19 you will be recording new cases everyday🤧