@Lakelandr

There’s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself ” thank god the cops are here”

You Might Also Like

@AnkCoupleTO

I’m always a little suspicious of women who say that they don’t “remember things”

@ColeNoorda

Gym Rat: Bro, I realize chalk helps you grip the bar, but did you really have to cover your whole body in it?

Me, swallowing another powdered donut: Chalk?

@lovejulieacafe

I never realized how many “favorite” coffee mugs I had until other people tried to use them.

@MoneypennyNaked

Married girls are so lucky. They can post anything they want on here because they already tricked some dumb guy into marrying them.

@moonstruckinnyc

For my lower body, I do 30 squats and 30 lunges. For my upper body, I put on and take off my sports bra.

@MadcapsTPS

Yes I brought my own shot glasses and started a party at my table, but is that really a reason to throw someone out? Worst library ever.

@TheAndrewNadeau

KIDNAPPER 1: Is he responding to the truth serum?

KIDNAPPER 2: *Walking out of room I was in, clearly emotionally exhausted* He has… just so many Harry Potter theories.

@david8hughes

[interrogation]
“Where were u on the night of the 3rd?”
Stabbing a homeless man.
“Louder for the tape?”
Wrapping a boneless ham. As a gift.

@DrakeGatsby

Me: *holding my pet rat who is wearing full karate gear* Oh RAP battle, that makes more sense.