@stacieooooo

There’s no cool way to get your braces unstuck from the carpet.

You Might Also Like

@james_comics

netflix: are you still there?

me: i’m literally not allowed to leave

@karanbirtinna

My wife gets upset because I like to talk during sex. Last night she hung up the phone on me.

@ComedicBust

[in a burning building]

Johnny Depp: Use my scarves to climb down

Me: WHERE DID YOU COME F..

JD: [transforms into a raven and flies away]

@iamspacegirl

[3 days after technology lets us wear snapchat filters all the time]

me: why didn’t your eyes turn into hearts when I got home today

@mommajessiec

This morning I brushed my hair with an American Girl doll brush because, apparently, she is the only one in my house who puts things back where they belong.

@caliluvgirl77

Boyfriend: you want to go see the new Star Wars?

Me: I LOVE STAR WARS

BF: which was your fav

Me: duh, Sorcerer’s Stone

@INDlAN_

Parents: Your room is a mess.

Me: You really need to see my life.

@feelmesucka

Unless you and your family were attacked by Bigfoot, then no, I don’t want to see your camping pictures.

@BritXNic

“Alcohol doesn’t affect me”

*Wakes up with cornrows, a light saber and two taxidermy lizards*