@SardonicTart: There's no "I" in team but there is one in shut your stupid mouth.
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@GetCougarized: Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it. If he's not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I'm going home.
@panmidwest: [BAR] Me: What do you recommend? Barkeep: Moscow Mule, Mojito, Old Fashi- M: [Puts finger to his lips] which tastes the most like Capri-sun?
@amishschool: Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying "keys" in case I thought they were llamas.