serious question: when someone’s telling you a horrible story and they’re crying; how long should I wait before take a bite of my corn dog?
There’s nothing more disturbing than the 1st time you hear someone you know using their “whooo’s a good dog” voice.
You Might Also Like
A fellow lawyer brought me a homemade poundcake today because she said I was a nice person. So sweet! I brought it home and now no one will eat it because, as my son said, “What if she is trying to murder you?”
Wife: The kids made you these cakes for Father’s Day! What do you think of them?
Me: They’re awful. But at least they made me these cakes
While eating as a guest at other people’s homes, I’m thinking their dogs are genetically obligated
to-convince you they’ve never, ever been fed.
ME: I committed all 7 deadly sins in 30 minutes
PRIEST: wow I gotta hear this
ME: I was angry and envious of my neighbor so I lazily seduced his wife and ate all his groceries and didn’t share
PRIEST: you forgot pride
ME: no, I’m pretty proud of this
If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can’t be left alone with your best looking cousin.
I accidentally walked into the women’s room at the gym today, then I bought a tampon from the machine so it wouldn’t be awkward.
People are asking me questions like they can’t see the FULL cup of coffee on my desk.
I could tell by the scowl on her face that her patience and botox were wearing thin.
If you disagree with someone, just slap them with a fish.