@ayyyyloser

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea” is just something people say because you’re going to be alone. Fishing is something you can do alone.

You Might Also Like

@leahlovescheez

Why do I have to answer security questions to pay my bills?
Ohmygod please tell me there are hackers out there trying to pay my bills….

@Tmoney68

[Courtroom]

Judge: One more word & I’ll hold you in contempt!

Me: Yes! *jumps on his lap & throws arms around him* This is nice.

@

a:1:{s:7:”retweet”;i:1;}

@billmaher

New evidence shows #marijuana not only helps with cancer side effects but may fight cancer itself! Oh pot, is there anything u can’t do?

@david8hughes

[baby throws up all over the couch]
Cmon dude, I let you live here for free

@TweetPotato314

one time when i was like 20 one of my best friends said he liked his name because of how unique it was. his name is jason

@KindOfASmartass

Me: My daughters are 15, 13, and 10.

Her: Do you want more kids?

Me: Hahahahahahahaha

Her: Is that a no?

Me: *Deep breathe* Hahahahahaha