These covid masks work wonders for us butterfaces.

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My Twitter password is stronger than my bank password in case you wonder where my priorities lie.


Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it’s dead friends in your hand.


I hate being that creepy guy outside your window, but damn girl it’s 7:30 already. You’re gonna be late for work.


Her: I’m an only child

Me: There are literally billions of children


I’m going to open a restaurant and call it I Don’t Care. So us men can finally take u women to the place u want to go to when we ask


Italian names sound delicious. Even Mussolini, sounds like a fried cheese that ends up oppressing your digestive process. #Italians


Look lady, I’m sure your Onlyfans is nice but let’s wait until this funeral is over to talk about it.