@YoungNobler

These e-cigarettes keep getting bigger and bigger. I swear I just saw someone smoking a clarinet.

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@robfee

The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.

@TheDreamGhoul

the guy at the liquor store didn’t card me and it hurt my feelings so I said I was a cop and idk what to do next we’re just standing here

@TheCiscoKidder

I caught my son wiping his boogers on the couch which is gross because I don’t want our boogers mixing.

@Divergentmama

When my kids were younger, I would dream about all of the awesome things they would do when they grew up.

Now I just hope one day they learn to how to pee in the toilet, close a cupboard and rinse a dish before putting it in the sink.

@reinert03

Somebody left a baby at my front door today, and I have no idea what to do with it. I just hope it’s gone by tomorrow.

@Lisabug74

I had the best time at the carnival last night until a local told me that burned down thirty years ago.

@TheTweetOfGod

Everyone in “Star Wars”.
Everyone in “The Muppets”.
Everyone in “Game of Thrones”.

This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters.

@iscoff

It’s fun to chant “Bloody Mary” three times into your car’s side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up