@welegi_

these fake antiques roadshow captions are so funny to me
[A THREAD]

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@duplicitron

I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.

@inthefade

what idiot named it jurassic world instead of parks and rex

@WoodyLuvsCoffee

DOCTOR: You need to excercise portion control.
ME: Thank God. For a second I thought you said I needed to exercise.

@MelaynaLokosky

Latex inflatable trousers, don’t leave home without them.
#Harikrishnan #Menswear #LondonCollegeOfFashion

@TuSoonShakur

John Bobbitt: How long has it been since you last did one of these, doc?

Plastic Surgeon: Well, it has been a while. But I’m sure I can re-member.

@ThugRaccoons

Me: Could you tell me where the fitness center is located?

Flight attendant: Please return to your seat.

@MUMSIEesq

My mom said I gained weight so I told her I was pregnant. Now I’ve got like 8 months to prepare to raise a fake baby.

@HelenMaryMe

If you’re found snoozing at your desk, just say “Oh they told me at the blood bank that this might happen!”

@AndrewChamings

me [after losing a rap battle]: I should have worn a hat

friend: yeah he really locked in on your side pony