these fake antiques roadshow captions are so funny to me

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I accidentally grabbed the wrong shopping cart but am hoping this kid will stop screaming soon because I am not raising a cry baby.


what idiot named it jurassic world instead of parks and rex


DOCTOR: You need to excercise portion control.
ME: Thank God. For a second I thought you said I needed to exercise.


Latex inflatable trousers, don’t leave home without them.
#Harikrishnan #Menswear #LondonCollegeOfFashion


John Bobbitt: How long has it been since you last did one of these, doc?

Plastic Surgeon: Well, it has been a while. But I’m sure I can re-member.


Me: Could you tell me where the fitness center is located?

Flight attendant: Please return to your seat.


My mom said I gained weight so I told her I was pregnant. Now I’ve got like 8 months to prepare to raise a fake baby.


If you’re found snoozing at your desk, just say “Oh they told me at the blood bank that this might happen!”


me [after losing a rap battle]: I should have worn a hat

friend: yeah he really locked in on your side pony