*sees that all the leaves have blown into the neighbour’s yard*
*buys all the lottery tickets*
These people on Hoarders knew a camera crew was coming. You’d think they’d tidy up a bit.
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*walks into childhood home*
Him: what’s wrong?
Me: it all looks so different. I distinctly remember the floor being lava.
“How can I help u, Bowser?”
I need a loan
“For ANOTHER castle?”
A flying castle
“U have like 24 already”
IDK HOW MARIO KEEPS FINDIN HER
me: how should i tell my kids they’re adopted?
kid: not like this
Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg in, Put your right leg out, Put
-spider hokey pokey
*dolphin diving off a cliff*
” I gotta see this guys best tweet,
I’ll gift him Favstar Pro”.
Said no one ever.
Boss: You have to stay late.
Me: Oh? Do you believe in magic?
M: *throws smoke bomb, gets lost, falls out window, smoke clears
B: HE’S GOOD!
“DOC TELL ME STRAIGHT”
doc: u got lou gherrigs disease
*cops barge in* ur under arrest
cop: mr gherrig reported a missing disease
HEY OSAMA I FOUND YOUR 72 VIRGINS THEY ARE ALL ON MY TIMELINE TALKING ABOUT STAR WARS