They cancelling everything but work.

You Might Also Like


“I put on pants for nothing”

– my 10 yo after she got dressed and her soccer game was cancelled.

Someone set up her Twitter account.


The only thing longer than a minute left on the microwave is a minute on the treadmill.


If the Earth is only 5000 years old, how do you explain Cher?


Ben-Hur was actually called, Fast & The Furious: Jerusalem Drift, but the name didn’t catch on like they had hoped


I know you didn’t sneeze. I said “God bless you” because your baby is ugly.


Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.


Not a lot of people know this, but if you dress up like a pirate and go into Red Lobster, you eat for free.


Smiling releases endorphins in your body, which relieves stress.

All I have to do now is explain that to my proctologist when he’s done.


Spent 10mins fighting a spider last night before finding out it was a flake of cardboard

I’m fine