@Carbosly

“They grow up so fast.”

– Me, looking at my problems.

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@Jeffwni

Little Known Fact:
Bon Jovi has five brothers: Bon Joi, Bon Joii, Bon Joiii, Bon Joiv and Bon Jov

@DosieDoe

I really don’t have much respect for those that take drugs and alcohol.

Like Customs, for example.

@PortRooster

Pitbull: Hey, what rhymes with “Kodak”?

Nicki Minaj: “Kodak”, duh…

Pitbull: Thanks!

@AnOrangeSNES

In 8th grade I had to take care of an egg to teach me responsibility. That egg hatched, and I raised the chicken as my own. He was delicious

@djdarrellripley

Him: If they ask you any questions, just play stupid. You know nothing….

Me: Oh, I think I can handle that.

@ch000ch

if u hear ur roommate using ur beard trimmer in the bathroom but they come out and look exactly the same u should buy a new beard trimmer

@VerifiedJayy

Put glitter on top of all your friends ceiling fans blades.

Wait til spring

Enjoy

@AbbyHasIssues

Me: I hate math.

Also me: If I cut my shower down to three minutes and breakfast down to five, I can hit the nine-minute snooze three more times and only be five minutes late.