They said if gay marriage became legal, people would start marrying dogs and cats, but I guess that was just another bs political promise.

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My brother goes to “Peninsula High.” When the class of 2015 got senior shirts made, no one decided to regulate them.


And the Best McDonald’s Employee of the Month goes to Mad Max: Fury Road.


[2 paintings talking]
“hey man, guess what im doing this weekend?”
please dont say it
i wanna move to a different gallery


My life is a rollercoaster. There’s a lot of sitting down and screaming.


Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, “That’s not your left foot” a billion times.


If pharmaceutical companies have taught me anything, they’ve taught me that people with life threatening illnesses love to hike.


An underage sweater walks into a bar for the third time.

The bartender says, “I’m gonna need to see your cardigan.”


While it’s true that gay marriage doesn’t nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it’s not your birthday anymore.


*shoots self in foot*

“Damn i like the metaphor better”


Commissioner: we’ll need to stay in touch
Batman: ok
Commissioner: this stealth communication device will-