@JoParkerBear

They said if gay marriage became legal, people would start marrying dogs and cats, but I guess that was just another bs political promise.

You Might Also Like

@BromanConsul

My brother goes to “Peninsula High.” When the class of 2015 got senior shirts made, no one decided to regulate them.

@sammyrhodes

And the Best McDonald’s Employee of the Month goes to Mad Max: Fury Road.

@trentistweeting

[2 paintings talking]
“hey man, guess what im doing this weekend?”
please dont say it
“JUST HANGING!”
i wanna move to a different gallery

@ArfMeasures

My life is a rollercoaster. There’s a lot of sitting down and screaming.

@Brianhopecomedy

Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, “That’s not your left foot” a billion times.

@ashleycrem

If pharmaceutical companies have taught me anything, they’ve taught me that people with life threatening illnesses love to hike.

@brookeisgolden

An underage sweater walks into a bar for the third time.

The bartender says, “I’m gonna need to see your cardigan.”

@OhNoSheTwitnt

While it’s true that gay marriage doesn’t nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it’s not your birthday anymore.

@Macar00ny

*shoots self in foot*

“Damn i like the metaphor better”

@PaperWash

Commissioner: we’ll need to stay in touch
Batman: ok
Commissioner: this stealth communication device will-
Batman: LETS USE A GIANT SKY LAMP