@MarfSalvador: sugar daddy: I'm gonna spoil you
salt daddy: I'm gonna preserve you
@: Me: The kids haven't eaten their sandwiches
Wife: ok just throw them out
[Later]
Me *helping the kids pack a suitcase* look I'm as surprised as you are
@iwearaonesie: wife: Can we get a kids menu?
waitress *brings one*
wife
me
wife
me [already doing the maze]
wife: Can we get 2 kids menus?
@JohnLyonTweets: Batman: Why are you carrying a crystal ball and tarot cards?
Robin: You said I could be your psychic.
Batman: Sidekick. SIDEKICK.
Robin: Oh, that makes much more sense.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: 10: Can we go to the adoption store and pick up a new baby?
Me: Sweet girl, Mama has 4 kids. If we go right now it's probably to drop off.
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