@TheCatWhisprer: They say you shouldn't eat right before bed so now I just wait until I'm in bed.
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@Maxine12333: Always keep your head up and stand proud! That way your double chin won't show in your pictures.
@TheTweetOfGod: I planted all the evidence for evolution once it became clear it did not serve the best interest of My reputation to take credit for you.
@TheDailySchmuck: I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell someone to call me, but they're in their 20s and don't know what phones used to look like.
@Playing_Dad: Walk up in the club like "THIS IS MY JAM" handing out small jars of my homemade raspberry preserves