Stop putting famous names at the end of random quotes. – bob marley
“They’re like a sponge at this age” I say to the parents of the baby I’m using to scrub dishes with.
You Might Also Like
I call all dogs ‘puppies’, regardless of age. They like it.
Argentina is surprisingly cold. In fact it’s bordering on Chile.
[ funeral ]
me: *whispering* i never know what to do w my hands
her: *also whispering* well you can definitely stop clapping
Ew, there is no way I’m touching that hand sanitizer dispenser.
FRIEND: What’s the movie, where they bring that monster to life and then have to destroy it?
[at the same time]
ME: Frosty the Snowman.
2 out of 3 isn’t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids. Then it’s bad
wife: [talking & making baby noises at cat]
me: you must be bored af
wife: no I’m not
me: I was talking to the cat
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.