Thieves have removed motorway signs in Yorkshire. Police are currently searching for Leeds.
You Might Also Like
I come from a time of excessive Durans.
🎶Well you can tell by the way I clumsy walk
I’m an awkward girl, don’t wanna talk
Mumble sounds, eyes look down
I’ve been trippin ’round since I was born
And it’s all right, it’s okay
Please just look the other way
🎶
She said she wanted to try spouse swapping. Next thing I know she’s trading me for a toaster.
Brains are sexy
Wish everyone had one
First person to build a clock had no idea how long it took.
3 years into a relationship and you get a text “i need space” loooool lets sell some furniture then
I’m always amazed at how eating 2lbs of chocolate can make you gain 47lbs.
I’m at the age where if people get pregnant I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. like congratulations or sorry that happened
I always thought by this stage of adulthood I’d have my shit together but I just asked google how long you can survive without vegetables so apparently not
Every year tigers kill 150 people: it’s like they’re not even trying; there are billions of us
Me: did you know cows have best friends?
Wife: really?
Me: yep!
Wife: how do you know that?
[Myrtle peeking around the corner into the living room].
Me: I’m glad you asked : )
My superpower is destroying the neighbors living room from 100 yards with nothing but her cat and my laser pointer.
Amazon Prime sounds like a great dating site for Super Fierce Cougars.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it’s probably just as well real lightsabers aren’t available yet.
You can take all the daylight you saved & stick it where the sun don’t shine.
doctor it hurts when i do this *checks bank account*
I’m reexamining my life after buying 63 pounds of unsalted butter because it seems a little weird even by my standards
Raising children takes a village, preferably one with many vineyards.
I’m the only woman at this baby shower who doesn’t have a baby. They better ooh and aah over my bassinet of deviled eggs.
I’d joined kids karate to crush them; I hadn’t thought of their strength in numbers. They were piling on like Gremlins. This was happening.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Me: How do I really create a high
income? How do I pay taxes? How
do I buy a new house?School:
Well actually, Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
No thank you, gym membership. The only thing worse than riding a bike is riding a bike that goes nowhere.
Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ‘Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.
Took the road less travelled after telling the wife that we didn’t need to stop and ask for directions.
*knocks on neighbor’s door*
*asks if their dog can come out and play*
Harry Potter accidentally hits ‘reply owl’
plums roundup
Well, I don’t know how my tattoo is gonna look when I’m 60, Carol, but I know you’ll be dead by then so
📽️movie date🎞️