@cravin4

Things I dipped in Nutella this weekend:

Animal Crackers
Pretzels
Strawberries
finger
Feelings

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@MUMSIEesq

*runs into coworker at store*
*pretends I don’t speak English*

@senderblock23

“I heard low winter sun is pretty good.” – low winter sun from behind a bush trying to throw it’s voice

@GreyDeLisle

“I’m so tired of that little piece of cheese.”
-My gramma, talking about SpongeBob

@Sorrowscopes

Virgo: Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you. Good luck on your next hike.

@AbbyHasIssues

If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I’m trying to unlock it more than two times, I’m driving off without you.

@HEYWATCHMETWEET

Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there’s a horse there, the queen is watching.

@jjhartinger

To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.

@DurtMcHurtt

*swirling hand sanitizer around in a glass like a sommelier* what year is this?

@Smooheed

“Don’t worry my love, I’ll breathe for the both of us” I whisper as I drink directly from the wine bottle