Things I dipped in Nutella this weekend:

Animal Crackers

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*runs into coworker at store*
*pretends I don’t speak English*


“I heard low winter sun is pretty good.” – low winter sun from behind a bush trying to throw it’s voice


“I’m so tired of that little piece of cheese.”
-My gramma, talking about SpongeBob


Virgo: Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear eats you. Good luck on your next hike.


If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I’m trying to unlock it more than two times, I’m driving off without you.


Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there’s a horse there, the queen is watching.


To the teenager that flipped me off for honking at you. Your phone is on top of your car.


*swirling hand sanitizer around in a glass like a sommelier* what year is this?


“Don’t worry my love, I’ll breathe for the both of us” I whisper as I drink directly from the wine bottle