angel 1: what are these?
angel 2: strawberries
angel 1: you forgot the seeds!
angel 2: oh shit, he’s coming whadda we do?
angel 1: quick, stick ’em on the outside
god: *passing by* ooh nice
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Boss: Everyone is behind schedule and making excuses. Does everybody here think I’m an idiot
Me: Don’t ask. They swore me to secrecy.
My dad did not let me watch Dexter’s Labratory because he said it was unrealistic. “A lab that size would absolutely devastate the foundation of the house” he would say.
STAGES OF WORKING FROM HOME
– Yay I get to work from home
– It would be nice to talk to people
– I hope that pigeon sits in the window today
Just sayin’ witchdoctors are gonna have to pick a side when the shit goes down between witches and doctors.
Congrats on the wedding dude. A present? Na man, everyone brings a present. I brought a past. Remember your ex-fiance Jan? Jan! come say hi.
I wish I was an American so that I had the right to bear arms. I’d probably go for panda bear arms because awwwww, so cute.
If you ever find a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich at my house call the police.
Your mother and I want you to know that we love you very much, so that’s why we’re getting a divorce and marrying you instead.
New rule: no video games before the time you’d normallly get home from school. That’s going to work with the 17 year old, right?