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Just a reminder that Jingle Bells makes it sound like some grand adventure but a one-horse open sleigh is literally the cheapest sleigh you can get.


RIDDLER: What has–

BATMAN: A gazebo

ROBIN: Matches

RIDDLER: Let me finish-

BM: A paperweight

R: Dental floss

RIDDLER: I hate you guys


Boss: It’s been a tough year Jim
J: Am I laid off?
B: No
J: Fired?
B: No
J: What then?
B: You’re to be executed at noon.
J: This is bullshit


Astronaut: *takes a picture of the moon*

Moon: delete it


I’m not saying I’m a hero, but I did just give a bottle of wine mouth to mouth.

It didn’t make it.


Therapist: And what do we do when we’re feeling angry?

Me: *revving chainsaw*

Therapist: No.


“Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names” – WTF? I’ve been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.