Just a reminder that Jingle Bells makes it sound like some grand adventure but a one-horse open sleigh is literally the cheapest sleigh you can get.
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RIDDLER: What has–
BATMAN: A gazebo
RIDDLER: Let me finish-
BM: A paperweight
R: Dental floss
RIDDLER: I hate you guys
Boss: It’s been a tough year Jim
J: Am I laid off?
J: What then?
B: You’re to be executed at noon.
J: This is bullshit
I told my crush I liked them through a Spotify playlist
Sucks the USA lost. Now we can’t keep watching TV at work.
You guys know monogamy is NOT a type of wood, right?!?
Astronaut: *takes a picture of the moon*
Moon: delete it
I’m not saying I’m a hero, but I did just give a bottle of wine mouth to mouth.
It didn’t make it.
Therapist: And what do we do when we’re feeling angry?
Me: *revving chainsaw*
“Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names” – WTF? I’ve been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.