@iAmJuddy

|T|h|i|n|k| |I| |f|o|u|n|d| |s|o|m|e|t|h|i|n|g| |m|o|r|e| |a|n|n|o|y|i|n|g| |t|h|a|n| |h|a|s|h|t|a|g|s|

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@AndrewNadeau0

Just a reminder that Jingle Bells makes it sound like some grand adventure but a one-horse open sleigh is literally the cheapest sleigh you can get.

@Jake_Vig

RIDDLER: What has–

BATMAN: A gazebo

ROBIN: Matches

RIDDLER: Let me finish-

BM: A paperweight

R: Dental floss

RIDDLER: I hate you guys

@TheToddWilliams

Boss: It’s been a tough year Jim
J: Am I laid off?
B: No
J: Fired?
B: No
J: What then?
B: You’re to be executed at noon.
J: This is bullshit

@DaddyJew

Astronaut: *takes a picture of the moon*

Moon: delete it

@TrophyWifeDayna

I’m not saying I’m a hero, but I did just give a bottle of wine mouth to mouth.

It didn’t make it.

@iinkedZombie

Therapist: And what do we do when we’re feeling angry?

Me: *revving chainsaw*

Therapist: No.

@imadepoopstoday

“Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names” – WTF? I’ve been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.