[thinking about humanity]
we should all help each other
[thinking about individual humans]
well maybe not
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Apparently my hub is a 92 yr old trapped in a younger body. He just referred to you guys as my Pinstagram friends.
It’s like my fridge sends texts inviting all my friends over the moment I fill it up.
Tonight’s Menu: Gourmet pork blend sausage with organic tomato reduction, served on warm split bread rolls.
AKA: Hot dogs with ketchup.
Welcome to Applebee’s! Can I take your order or do you need a few minutes to reflect on the mistakes you made in life that led you here?
The best thing about cycling 5 miles on a stationary bike is not having to cycle 5 miles back again.
i can confirm that Somali pirates have intercepted my shipment of 20,000 glossy 8×10 headshots and are using them for vile purposes
Judge- Your word is dirty.
Me-*whispering seductively* How dirty is it?
Judge- What? No! Your word is dir…
Me- Does it want to be spanked?
I hung a plant in my shower and I was trying to take a picture but my dog Drax thought I was taking a picture of him lmao