Why didn’t Dorothy tell the Cowardly Lion about liquid courage?
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Doctor: How many alcoholic drinks do you consume per week?
Me: *writes number on piece of paper & slides it facedown across table*
You’d think that the guy in charge of putting pepperoni on frozen pizzas would’ve been up for a performance review by now.
If you play Stairway to Heaven backwards does it become Highway to Hell?
dr pepper just lost her medical license. 😔 now she’s just ms pepper. 😂 bet you thought i was going to say mr pepper! 😒 no. ✋🛑 dr pepper has been a woman this whole time. 😜 unlearn your internal biases!👩⚕️ she lost her license for throwing a baby in the trash ⛹️♀️👶
HI I’M GOING TO HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLY LOUD YET PRIVATE PHONE CALL ON THIS BUS AND EXHIBIT A STUNNING LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. THANK YOU.
my dad has had enough
As a white person, I have a primal fear of getting lost in the snow.
It’s like my granddad used to say “If you have to ask the question, then you don’t know the answer.”