@garrydavenport: Thinking of my mother at Christmas, looking down on me. She's not dead, just very condescending.
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@pharmasean: Macklemore was pretty far ahead of me in terms of self-awareness. When I was in the third grade I literally thought I might be a thundercat.
@TheBoydP: [Attractive stylist washing out my hair after cutting it] Stylist: How’s the water temperature? [Water so hot it’s scalding my scalp] Me: It’s fine