Down a flight of stairs.
That’s how I roll. 🙁
This donut scented car air freshener is going to pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
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If you accidentally use Pam cooking spray instead of Off…
It still works, because the mosquitoes just slide off your legs.
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son: “NO! Make me a sandwich like mommy makes it!”
I begin remaking the same sandwich, this time while drinking a bottle of wine and calling my sister-in-law to complain about my weight gain.
Him: I’m gonna throw you over my shoulder, carry you into the bedroom, toss you onto the bed, and have my way with you…
Me: Ok but on the way to the bedroom, can we swing by the fridge?
I’m really good at acting like I’m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
God- I want an animal with 2 humps
Angel- And a cute face?
G- Yes.. And make them spit at humans
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick…..Till you’re standing outside watching your house burn.