@praisecheese

This fall on Fox:
X-Files Babies.
Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat.

This fall on Fox:
X-Files Babies.
Baby Skully and Baby Mulder meet at a petting zoo when they both get knocked over by the same goat.

- @praisecheese

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@hyperseas

Guys, don’t ever tell a girl that she’s yummier than a gummy bear, she’ll know it’s not true because nothing is yummier than a gummy bear.

@BuckyIsotope

Oh we’re halfway there
Oh oh running from a bear
I pushed you down
Accidentally I swear
Oh oh eaten by a bear
You were eaten by a bear

@markydoodoo

Marry someone who loves Hawaiian pizza so you can just get your own good tasting pizza all to yourself.

@TheRolo

[Wakes up to a mysterious noise]
Lover, is that you?

*Refrigerator hums loudly*

@Mostly_Cheese

*arrives in Las Vegas for first time at age 36*
Me: (in taxi on the Strip) Oh hell yes there’s a Walgreens AND a CVS next to my hotel.

@bobvulfov

One time i saw a man eat a whole apple, core and everything. Motherboard and power supply too. The man ate a computer it was horrifying

@msmegmensa

If burglars broke into my apt, they’d look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says ‘get yourself some shit!’

@Andrea__B__

The most important thing in life is to be yourself, unless you can be Batman…always go with Batman

@ConanOBrien

My wife hasn’t touched me since the election. She took Gore’s loss pretty hard.

@Just_A_Kenyan

100 Ways to contact me;
1. Call me.

2. Tweet me.

3. Txt me….

95.Drums and smoke signals

100.Facebook