Recipe for homemade charcoal:
1. Put dinner in the oven.
2. Sit down to check one quick thing on the internet…
This generation sucks but does it swallow
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I just threw a snowball at a Smart car and its airbags deployed
The Constitution says nothing about it being illegal for cats to carry firearms and this worries me immensely.
Boss: you’re fired
Me: *turns in chair with cat in my lap*
I expected this; you found my search history yes?
Boss: Linda wants her cat back
M: MOMMMM, where are the scissors? I just bought a new pair!
Edward Scissorhands: You mean these?
M: Yesss! Could you just stop stealing my scissors every time you break a nail?!
GOOD COP: cover me!
DAD COP: *tucks him in* snug as a bug
I want a sex change.
From “none” to “some”.
Step1) Buy 100 cans of tuna
Step2) Drain the cans into a bucket
Step3) Soak ur cloths in the tuna water
Step4) Go outside & get all the cats
I can’t believe this Avengers movie will be the last one before the next one comes out.