@DirtMcTurd: This girl wants to sing with me but I don't wanna duet
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@Home_Halfway: LAWYER: Your Uncle Paul Watt passed away ME: Wow I didn't know him L: He bequeathed his mine to you ME: Wait a minute L: Watts mine is yours
@CrockettForReal: Big Tobacco: *slaps vape out of a child’s hand* no! Don’t you know this is killing kids all over the country? Kid: ... Big Tobacco: *hands kid a pack of cigarettes* die slower you idiot.
@Zaius13: The most embarrassing part about farting myself awake was that it was the most interesting aspect of my PowerPoint presentation.