Stop, collaborate and listen. Manda’s back with news from the kitchen. Calories grab a hold of me tightly I want nachos daily and nightly…
This guy at the gym just did 3 sets of selfies.
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Okay. What I don’t get is, is dressing up as a ghost and scaring people away from your amusement park actually illegal? Just because some teenagers and a dog say so?
*holds finger up and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I’ve been*
Cop; Know why I pulled you over?
Me; Because you got beat up in high school
Me; Because you got beat up in high school, Sir?
“We’ve been blessed with a second son, another prince”
“I hope he doesn’t grow to resent his older brother, Mufasa, who one day will be king”
“Let’s call him Scar”
M: Still? It’s been a week
K: YOUR FIRST INSTINCT DURING A CAR ACCIDENT WAS TO PROTECT YOUR PHONE!
M: You didn’t die. Calm down.
Accountant: Mr Cage, you are flat broke.
*flashback to applying for a loan wearing John Travolta’s face*
Nick Cage: I already handled it
I’m beginning to think the dark circles that appeared under my eyes in 2008 may not go away.
You got busted lying about how big it is, no worries we’ve been doing that for years.
You know how when you put both earphones in you’re pretty much unapproachable?
Yeah, my kids missed that memo