I tried giving a gentle reminder to my kids about cleaning their rooms, but a megaphone works much better.
This guy poured his box of raisinets directly into his bag of popcorn at the movie counter. After my initial shock I bowed to him.
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I’d have more sympathy for Sony’s alleged loss of $200 million if that weren’t the cost of like three large popcorns at any movie theater.
Fetch me my Twitter, Kenth. Time to see how many of my tweets went virus. Ah yes, here it is, none. That’ll be all Kenth. Same time tomorrow
When I was kid the internet was called Encyclopedia Britannica
Avocados are like children. It’s important you spend a lot of quality time with them so they won’t go bad…
The Internet lets the world instantly know my thought but…they can’t make a microwave that I can put metal in.
Someone isn’t trying.
My eyesight is so bad that, after I took my contacts out last night, I chatted to my cat for 5 mins before I realised it was my handbag.
“Do what you love & the money will follow.”
Ate some pizza, harassed a telemarketer, & took a 6 hr nap in my underwear.
And now, I wait…
i’m “my bladder is my alarm clock” years old.
HER: I’m leaving you
ME: But why?
HER: There’s just no chemistry between us anymore
CHEMISTRY: Wow, I’m like right here