the year is 2046: leggings & cargo shorts have become sentient, the world is very different but we’re all pretty comfy
This guy walked up to me and said he knew me from somewhere but couldn’t place where. I asked if he’d ever worked in a liquor store and guess what you guys?
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Fun fact: At the end of Titanic, when all the people are dying in the water, you can hear a faint, “Marco” and then an even fainter, “Polo.”
[trapped in the trunk of a car]
him: hey what’s up
me: *forgets why I called* lol not much
[fake yawns to put my arm around date but it’s so i can pet her dog who is also on the couch]
Tried a new approach oan the auld tinder
Asking men how many wheels their trucks have and scoffing, regardless of the answer.
Doctor: You suffer from delusions
Me: I don’t think so
Doctor: They seem real but they’re not
Stuart Little: He’s lying to you
Me: Yeah I know
Dad come get me from practice
“Sorry I’m going into a tunnel” *sound of mom giggling*
But I called the *connection drops* …landline
What’s that thing called when your crush likes you back? Oh yeah. Imagination.
Me: Omg it’s soooo hot!
Dog: You want me to sit on you?