@welivinasociety

this halloween i’m going as someone asking how the writing’s coming along

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@Audenary

Me: But can robots write poetry?!

Droid: We do not cry / when we are small / for we were never born at all

Me: [Choking back tears] Dude

@wickedsuga

Me: Do you want to be the big spoon or the little spoon?
Coach:
Me:
Coach:
Me: Oh. You said HUDDLE up, didn’t you?

@MeepisMurder

in 2nd grade we had to draw what we wanted to be when we grew up and i just drew myself with sunglasses on

@Social_Mime

Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. “Dan doesn’t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?”

@KevinFarzad

I’m tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace

@rad_milk

when i was born i was no bigger than a hotdog, and no better. now i am the size of many hotdogs, and just as good

@mrtiredeyes

[first line of my romance novel] her eyes, they looked like they watched netflix