I just switched my doorbell to the sound of a shot gun loading.
this halloween i’m going as someone asking how the writing’s coming along
You Might Also Like
It’s so cute when my kids grew up and moved out
Splinter: ok I’ve made some coloured disguises for you all
Donatello: to protect our identities?
Splinter: exactly Raphael
Michaelangelo: lol he’s not Raphael
Splinter: sorry you’re right Leonardo
Raphael: master, that’s not-
Splinter: just put them on please
me: my friend died in her sleep 🙁
my grandpa: back in my day we walked uphill 10 miles before we died
Why are people giving something up for lint? I’m sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more.
[Interrupts the wedding vows] it’s open bar right?
#SometimesForFun I update signs at work
Darth Vader: Join me on the Dark Side, Luke!
Luke: I’ll never join you!
Vader: We have flex hours and Pizza Fridays!
I’m tired of being –