@RachelWenitsky: This is a little film called, "Trying to Describe Myself to My Lyft Driver So He Can Find Me"
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@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool
@AlisonLeiby: I'm calling Facebook "Mom" now because all it does is tell me who from my high school is engaged and remind me about my cousins' birthdays.
@STEELERS1972: When my laptop asks "Are you sure?", it's because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.
@HatfieldAnne: With literally no way of knowing if you were cursed by an evil witch as a baby, why would you take a spinning class?