@viciousbabydoll

This is an example of the shit I text my kid. I know, I know. Mom of the Year material right here.

You Might Also Like

@DeeLish_DG13

I sometimes feel like the Angel on my shoulder is on vacation & the Devil invited his cousin over for a play date

@lisaxy424

When I was a kid: why do athletes retire in their 30s they’re still so young

Me in my 30s now: *trying to get up from a couch* yep ok

@Dustinkcouch

santa: make me a hundred thousand PlayStations

elf: *holding only a hammer* how

@ehchinoo

*looking under hood of car*
“Well there’s your problem”
*removes cardboard box with engine drawn on it*

@WildeThingy

Gift horse “My gums are bleeding.”
Dentist “Well this is a professional dilemma…”

@AnkCoupleTO

[Satan advising me on choosing the right career path] law school it is

@abbycohenwl

Cat: Meow
Me: Meow
Mom: Why do you do that?
Me: Silly, huh?
Mom: No, reckless! Do you even know what you said? What if you told him he’s fat

@caithuls

I just sneezed and made direct eye contact with my dog and we somehow didn’t switch bodies wtf disney??

@GingerHotDish

Them: Are you a frontend or backend developer?

Me: *winking* I’m pretty developed in both places.

Anyways, that’s how I ended up in HR.