*waves arm in the direction of the lake*
One day, all this will be yours.
12: Are you threatening to drown me?
Me: Just make your bed, k?
This is an ugly term. This “Stalker”. I prefer unpaid investigator.
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<reads 15 positive reviews of a product> I’m totally getting this.
<then reads 1 negative review> Forget it, it’s obvious crap.
Music teacher comes to our house. Gives our kid a significant, noticeable haircut. Tells no one. Then leaves. !!!
A 5 day juice diet. They said I would “feel it” working in just 5 days. They were right, I’ve never felt more hungry in all my life.
The main reason I got married is that I really hate driving..
Someone asked where I’m from and I said Wisconsin. She got excited, “Like That ’70s Show!” and I clarified, “More like Making a Murderer.”
This new thesaurus isn’t just terrible, it’s also terrible.
[first day as a dog trainer]
*begins loading cargo on mile-long line of poodles*
If I donate blood and you’re in an unfortunate circumstance of needing it don’t blame me for never being able to pass a drug test again.
Writer: My biggest fear is a blank piece of paper
The Rock: I hear ya buddy