@AndyAsAdjective: This is probably a controversial take but I think the sanitation worker responsible for garbage collection on Sesame Street should be fired.
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@squirrel74wkgn: Soooo, if the string breaks off...do you just make yourself sneeze so that it shoots out? Female cashier: [stares at me] *rings up tampons*
@DvuslyMarvelous: Reached out to my 8th grade girlfriend and made a new pact, if we’re both still married when we are 50, we’re going to push each other off a bridge.
@Papa_Mex: I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way
@EamonToPlease: My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn't feel like it.