@jane__bradley

This is the first meme I’ve ever shared but it’s a day of firsts so…

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@UncleDuke1969

I took the PBJ out a couple of times, but things got stale, my relationship with the milk soured quickly, and I wouldn’t really call what that bagel and I did “dating”.

@pittdave13

Damn girl are you a bag of sunflower seeds? Cause I wanna spend a bunch of money, work really hard and not be completely satisfied

@xoCAMILLAxo

I thought air was free until I bought a bag of Lay’s Potato Chips!

@david8hughes

Friend: my wife & I had our son very young
Me: so did we, he was just a baby

@SardonicTart

[In meeting]

Boss: any comments?
Me: I wish I was drunk right now.

@TheBoydP

If tennis rules were chasing the ball and bringing it to your opponent without letting him have it, my dog would be the best in the world.

@DurtMcHurtt

I bet Yoda was pretty hot before he turned into an old Asian lady.

@notchyos

Even a broken clock is right twice a day, unless it lives with a woman

@WGladstone

I put my pants on like everyone else: with difficulty, blaming the dryer for shrinking them.