Hiphop cereal idea: Ludacrisp
this is the police, we have u surrounded come out with your hands on ur head, then ur shoulders, okay good now knees and toes knees and toes
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My biggest regret to date is probably never telling Kary C, Kerri B, Cari R and Kerry L from 4th grade that their names were spelled wrong..
I let my 5 year old talk me into playing kickball-basketball, so now I’ve got to explain this bloody nose to my wife.
kidnapper: if u don’t eat this salad we’ll kill ur friend
me: which friend
Her: So what do you do?
Him: I’m currently trying to eliminate all cancers
Her: Wow, impressive
Him: Then I’ll move on to Virgos
25% of twitter users are on medication for mental illness, which means 75% are running around untreated.
*stands outside of karate dojo practicing karate for free through the window*
Her: I love parkour.
Me: *trying to impress* My ancestors were monkeys.
Everyday I walk to work by a Ferrari dealership, put my nose against the etched glass window and say, “someday I’ll own a window this nice.”