A TV show where customers get to hear what employees said 10 seconds after they left the store.
“THIS IS THE POLICE. WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED. ARE U ALONE?”
-YEAH, I GUESS I NEVER MET THE RIGHT GIRL, BAD TIMING MOSTLY. ALSO WORK IS HECTIC
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Apparently even if you build your own Viking warship, raiding and taking over a village is still, like, SUPER illegal.
I have no tolerance for people who refuse to give different voices to characters in a book they’re reading to their kid.
Horses kill more people than sharks, which is weird — I didn’t even know horses could live underwater.
me: bye bye miss american pie
miss american pie: “bye-bye”? what are you, four years old?
me: this is why i’m leaving. you’re a mean lady
3: Who’s that on your shirt?
Me: Yoda, from Star Wars.
3: I don’t like him.
Me: YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a cauliflower is a plant explosion in extremeley slow motion
“I DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH!!” I scream angrily at the neighbors garden gnome
If we keep building giant walls at the border to Mexico it’s only a matter of time before natural selection gives us giant Mexicans.