@neerjagurnani: This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.
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@wolfpupy: a bunch of us teens are going out to the forest to burn a piece of paper that says 'responsibilities' on it. for symbolism
@Iwriteforcats: The best part of marriage is when your spouse goes on a diet and you don't have to share your snacks.
@ShockTartBionic: Your baby's got pink eye, bronchitis AND a double ear infection? Are you even trying to keep him alive?
@phaggots: [teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] "Scorpio's drink water when they're thirsty" OMG THIS IS SO ME