*You at a concert* Dancing, singing, feeling the beat, letting loose.
*Me at a concert* Waiting for the bass player to make eye contact and then giving a thumbs up so they know they’re doing a good job and someone cares.
This is your gentle reminder that one time in the Bible Elijah was like “God, I’m so mad! I want to die!” so God said “Here’s some food. Why don’t you have a nap?” So Elijah slept, ate, & decided things weren’t so bad. Never underestimate the spiritual power of a nap & a snack.
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Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
[first day as a director]
me, right after a scene ends perfectly: aaaaaand cup
Don’t be that guy that tells people not to be “that guy.”
So, my parents did NOT appreciate their Yelp review.
There are directions with pictures on this underarm deodorant. Yet another disaster avoided.
I have decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money… I’m sorry, but I’ve moved on, and maybe it’s time that you do too.
One night stand because my bedroom is narrow.
*Trains lightning bugs to spell*
Karen, they have a message for u
WILL YOU M-
Oh good. Here I packed your bags already.
Boy in the pub was telling me his job is a penguin erector so every time a plane flys over Edinburgh zoo the penguins can’t take their eyes off it and end up falling over n he just goes round picking them back up, 38 penguins 2000 flights a day